The Fire Within Me
by BeeUtifulgirl
Summary: Remus reflects on the past. Songfic one-shot.


B"SD

Okay, I have been waiting for ages to write this thing. The song- which is from the Broadway production of Little Women- was just too perfect- that said, I did have to tweak it a little here or there. Maybe two words.

Harry Potter and "Little Women on Broadway" don't belong to me.

The Fire Within Me

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Early morning sunlight peeked through the cracks in the boarded windows, illuminating the drawing room with a gray light. The dust rose in puffs beneath his footfalls. The shrieking shack was empty and silent, its dilapidated atmosphere giving no evidence of the chaos that had occurred here last night. Harry, Ron, Hermione were still up at the castle recovering from the events of last night. Sirius had disappeared, as effectively as Peter had. His memories of last night were still fuzzy but he was delaying his return to the castle, dreading what he might hear.

The last thing he could remember was emerging from the tunnel to the piercing light of the full moon, icy and sharp as it penetrated his limbs. After that, his memory became less clear. He could dimly remember a whirl of human cries, of teeth and claws- as well as the wolf's sharp disappointment. He clung to that disappointment with relief. His mistake- his stupid, dangerous mistake hadn't resulted in tragedy. Hermione, Ron, Harry had been unharmed by his irresponsibility.

He had gotten away with it _again_, he thought in disgust. He had placed himself, his friends, and any other innocent passerby who might've been enjoying an evening outside in danger again and again. And yet, miraculously, his luck had held out. He hadn't _killed_ anyone.

He climbed the stairs slowly, his steps weighed down by the memories that seemed to lie across every surface as thick as the dust. His mind went back to every silver-lit night, those nights they- the marauders had spent weaving through the forest trees, loping across the wide, green grounds, and- he shuddered to think of it now- sneaking through the labyrinthine school corridors. Back when they were immortal, he thought with a happy sort of sorrow.

_I thought that somehow we would always have forever_

_I thought the promises we made_

_Would have a different end._

_I thought the love we shared would keep us as we were_

_It was the fire within me_

He would've never imagined then that anything could happen to them. None of them had. They had always talked about growing old, having large, loud families, living next door to each other… But more than that…

It had been a late night, early in second year, just weeks after James, Sirius, and Peter had confronted him with knowing his secret. Sirius had gathered them all in their dorm room, dimmed the torch light, and insisted that they all sit in a circle. There had been some complaining, but the other three had complied.

"I've gathered us here for a very important ceremony," he had said. Remus could remember Sirius's voice had not yet deepened, but he still managed to impart an air of importance into his words. The twelve year old had then pulled out a small knife, looking uncharacteristically solemn.

"Where'd you get that?" James wanted to know, completely ignoring Remus's own question, who was wondering what Sirius was planning to do with the knife, which looked far sharper than it needed to be.

"I snuck it out of the kitchens," Sirius said impatiently. "Now," he cleared his throat. "We four have been gathered together by the forces of fate."

"And the sorting hat," James added, his voice shaking with laughter.

"Shh." Sirius shook his head, getting back to the point. "And, being thus confederated-"

"That's not a word, Sirius."

"Being thus confederated," he repeated through gritted teeth, "we must cement our bond with blood." He brandished the knife, which gleamed in the torchlight.

"Are you joking?" Remus laughed in disbelief.

"Not at all," Sirius said, looking faintly as if someone had pulled the wind out of his sails. "This is important. We seal our friendship in blood, and swear to be faithful to each other."Remus still felt doubtful, but James was wearing an excited look.

"That's brilliant." He exclaimed. He held out his hand for the knife. "I'll go first." Sirius beamed once again, probably knowing that now that he had James on his side, the others would follow. He handed over the blade, saying, "Okay, but I get to go next."

In those years, Remus had thrived on their friendship. Through countless hours of helping the others study, laughing at the jokes that only they understood, watching James and Sirius prank other students, and while the others perfect their animagus forms, Remus was certain that he was the luckiest person in the world. He had always been shunned and looked down upon for his condition. As a child, he had never had friends, and yet at Hogwarts, he had fallen in with the greatest friends anyone could ever have. That night in Second year, Sirius had called it fate, and Remus couldn't help but agree.

But it had all come crashing down. That terrible October night.

_We dreamed and plotted with abandon_

_In this old house_

_When we were gathered here_

_The place became our citadel_

_We were amazing then_

_My best friends_

_And I_

_They were the fire within me_

Another memory floated up, this one less clear, and seen through the eyes of a wolf. It was one of the first full moons after James, Peter , and Sirius had succeeded in their animagus transformations and having them join him in the Shrieking Shack was quickly becoming both a regular event and a miracle for Remus. Even in his lupine form, he could still remember his name, could keep the wolf's instincts at bay. It thrilled him, to have such control over the monster who had dominated his life for so long.

His head jerked suddenly, as the smell of trees, dirt, grass and winter air had reached his nose. _Outdoors._ Peter's rat form had unlatched the hidden door in the floorboards, and Sirius had hefted it open. He barked once, wagging his tail. In his mind's eye, Remus could imagine Sirius's mischievous smirk- ready to leap at the chance for adventure. James was the first through the tunnel, somehow managing to maneuver his gangly limbs and antlers through the cramped space. With a wag of his own tail, Remus approached the door. He took a last glance at his sanctuary-his prison-then slipped through the entrance. Their first foray out into the forest.

_In this place I knew we were alive_

_Nothing was too painful to survive_

_We faced the world together_

_The four of us forever_

_Side by side_

If it ever occurred to them how reckless they were being, how dangerous it was to have a fully grown, uncontrolled werewolf on the loose, they never mentioned it. The four of them were too high off of their own magical prowess, carried away with their own cleverness. The shared monthly adventures were too precious, too exhilarating to ruin.

_Everything I promised was for them_

_I was theirs no matter where or when_

_How can that be lost forever ?_

_How, when I gave everything_

_With all my heart?_

Remus could never have dreamed that their happiness, their adventures could ever be destroyed. Could never have imagined that, within a mere handful of years after their first adventures had begun, that they would be betrayed, killed and imprisoned. But fate had come along, demanding his price for the joy and friendship that Remus had never deserved. In one night and morning, his world had crumbled. James , Lily and Peter had been killed, betrayed by the very man who had made them swear allegiance to each other all those years ago.

But he had won a remnant of that happiness back last night hadn't he? James and Lily were still gone, but Sirius had not betrayed them. Sirius had broken free from prison and- as Remus would learn in just a few short hours- had escaped again. And Harry. Harry had survived so much. Had grown into the son James would have been proud to have; brave, strong, caring, and -above all- faithful to his friends.

_Everything I promised them is here_

_All of us the way we used to be_

_We will always have each other_

_They will always be the fire_

_In my heart_

Years later, long after Sirius' death and the return of Lord Voldemort, Remus found himself once again in the forest. The battle he had been fighting only an hour ago seemed a distant memory, not worth thinking about. The flashes of spells, the shouting, terror and pain were all fading from his mind. What was much clearer was the stream of experiences of sprinting through this maze of trees not on two legs as he was now, but on four, with the pounding of hooves and barking of a black bearlike dog in his ears. Remus smiled, the childhood feeling of immortality, the certainty that nothing could harm him washing over him. His adventure was over.

But Harry had called them back. Brought them here, to the place saturated with the joy of Remus' school years, so that they could accompany him to his own death. In trembling, bloodied hands, the seventeen year old held a jagged stone, and was watching Remus, Sirius, James and Lily approach him with wide eyes.

"You've been so brave." Lily whispered.

_Here in all the smallest details of the past_

_Here in this forest suddenly life is something vast_

_The four of us_

_Forever here at last_

_As unexpected as can be_

_Astonishing_

For those waiting on Miles To Go, don't worry, I haven't forgotten it. Hope you enjoyed.


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